insomniac again

What's up with me? I really should go to bed but I don't want to.

Tomorrow Scarlett has a friend over for a 'bunny picnic', so I could really do with either sorting the house out, or getting off to bed so that I have the energy to do it tomorrow morning! Yet here I am, online still.
Ah well, I guess I have my reasons for not going to bed, which I don't really want to go in to right here, right now, but it is annoying. And I guess internet and TV is more interesting than loading the dishwasher etc.
Mind you, the stupid internet keeps disconnecting. Plus it takes a while to load when I open my laptop. Not ages I suppose, but I'm used to it being instant. ah well, at least this one is free with the TV.

I've been browsing the Council properties page. they now have a bidding system in place, so rather than wait for years for something to be allocated, you now need to bid weekly on various places until you get lucky. they were just putting this system in to operation when we got moved - I wonder if we had waited another month, if maybe we would have been able to choose a place closer to the school, our family, friends and places we know.
I hate where we live now, I Love our house, but the area we live in is horrible - on the doorstep of one of the worst places in London. There's too much crime around here - I'm scared to leave the house once it's dark, and to be honest I don't really venture anywhere around here except to the shops, even in the day time. I spend most of my days either indoors, or where the childrens' school is - where we used to live. which is where I want to live now.
don't get me wrong, i know my desired area is not crime free - I'm under no illusions. But compared to where we are now, it would be great. Plus the school run could be cut by so much! I could get my children in to the local school but i never would. It's so rubbish I'd rather home educate, and although I'm not at all against H.E. - i just know I'd be pants at it! lol

Anyway, been checking out the properties they have, and there's not one listing for a 3 bedroomed ground floor place in two of the areas I tried. Nor is there a 3 bedroomed property on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th floors. don't ask me why I checked those floors as I have no intention of moving there (impractical with young children plus dog) - I guess I just wanted to know how things stand.
I don't think we stand much of a chance to be honest.

It's all so disheartening. Why can't I just win the lottery? Just once? Only enough to buy a home, that will do - I'm not asking for millions or to be set up for life. This would just make everything so much easier.
I've wondered (and I know Liam has done the same) whether we should ever have moved from our old flat. It was horrible there - a small one bedroom place and absolutely riddled with damp mould - only Scarlett out of all of us, escaped breathing problems that needed medications because of this damp. The hot water and heating never worked, and the walls were so solid you couldn't put shelves up (which was a pain with it being so tiny there), the toilet was an unfixable mess and the people upstairs used to be noisy.
BUT
It was close to the school, library, tube line, shopping centre, friends, family, park and our GP surgery. We only had neighbours on one side and they were the best neighbours you could ever wish for. People were friendly around there, and there's lots of toddler groups, etc. I felt safe there - it has crime, but not the same as here. Pizza people wont even deliver to us after a pizza delivery man got stabbed around the corner at 2:30 in the afternoon. The horrid people that did it didn't even do it to steal anything from him - they came back later as an afterthought and took his pizzas. what made me really sick was that the blood was never cleaned up. A thick, big, dark congealing pool of blood sat there for about 5 days before the rain began to wash it away.
At our old house neighbours would look out for each other, and although we didn't know everyone in the area, there was enough of a community for you to recognise many people when you went out.

I've said to so many times, but if I could take the home we live in now and move it to an area nearer to the school I would jump at the chance, I so so would.

things have been hard today. I went to bed early with the most awful headache last night, and Liam didn't get in until late. i woke up with the headache and there has been a near constant furrow in my brow today, from stress and the pain.
I wanted to offload on a friend, but both people I felt I could confide in most were otherwise occupied today! I offloaded on a mum I know from the school. Oh bless her, she is so lovely. She patiently listened to me, and gave practical solutions to my issues, without dismissing a single thought. We had a real good chat, which definitely helped me to get through the day.
I was still falling asleep by the time afternoon rolled around and I had to get back to reading 'Frankenstein' though. I started off OK, but after a while I realised that I had read the same line about 50 times and still had no idea what it said. I was falling asleep and coming dangerously close to snoring in the middle of the Burger King seating area! Maybe I did snore but don't remember. I hope not.

I'd better go now. I think that I'm too tired to go tidy and clean now, but hopefully if I can get some rest I shall be more human and able in the morning.