I'm hard pressed for time as I'm trying to get to bed earlier - but I'll go in to that another time...
I never ever thought I would be the kind of parent to say it, and least of all about Rowan of all children(!?!) but school has done him wonders!
He's happy there - he runs off to play with his special friend Bonny, who is the little sister of Scarlett's best friend. As she is a full timer, she waits for him every day - he even tried to propose to her the other day! He told me 'Mummy I Love my best friend Bonny' and then later asked her 'Bonny, when we are big will you marry me?' But bless him - she didn't hear so he will never know what the answer would have been! I think the moment has passed for now, lol
Rowan is social - he is now saying hello and goodbye to at least one of his teachers on most days. He is now for the first time in his life taking part in the actions of childrens' rhymes when people can see. I've always known that he can as I've seen him (especially when he thinks I can't see) but he's never done it at toddler groups or with me etc.
I may have blogged about it, but I had to have a change of attitude with him. I was getting super stressed - building up over quite a period of time. Being around Rowan was no fun; he was demanding, whiney, whingey, moaney and would never let me have a moments peace. I could not put a foot right with anything I id for or around him and i got to the point where I just wanted to cry all the time. The women that run the library group even got me referrals to family help and support people. Fortunately these so far haven't been needed since i had my light-bulb moment.
I think it was coming anyway, because I usually can see when these things need to happen, but there was a specific moment when I realised that this may partly be my doing.
I don't know precisely what was happening, but at some point I said to Rowan 'oh you are my good boy aren't you?' (a risky thing to say as he always hated compliments) and he said; 'No Mummy Frazer is your good boy, I'm your grumpy boy'
AAAHHHHH!!!!!!
What had I done? I had created this little terror! I had moulded the poor boy in to a self fulfilling prophecy, knowing full well that he was grumpy. i used to joke about it, and it was an easy thing to slip out when he was being horrible to me (and everyone else around, but mainly me). There's no denying that he certainly was a grumpy and high needs child, but my reinforcing this had hindered his chances of moving out of that stage.
Well anyway, I shall not sully blame myself, but I do believe that I had probably made things a bit worse, or prolonged things.
School however, ha brought him out of himself.
when he first started, I remember him crying because he wanted to draw Tonks (our puppy) but was frustrated because he couldn't do it like the illustrations we see in childrens' books! I never knew how hard it could be to explain to a 3 year old that most children his age don't draw that way! The same thing would often come up with things like reading, running, writing, singing - you name it. But then this all ties in with his dislike of compliments too.
Well now he accepts with pleasure! I tell him that his drawing is fantastic and he says he knew that! I tell him he's clever but he already knows! I'm so happy for him, it's so nice to see this joy in his little eyes - I think he is happy to be with other children his age and at his stage of development. He's no longer the youngest one, as he is with his siblings, and he has many activities surrounding him which are aimed at his stage of development.
And he LOVES the school computers!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
good thing I blogged (changed title!)
Oh I'm not having a good day
...and so much for not being moany on here, huh.
I convinced Liam to take F&S to school this morning, meaning that Rowan and I do not need to wonder around for a few hours waiting for nursery to start. We got to spend some nice time at home, playing together on the Wii and he played about while I surfed for a bit.
Then I began gutting the spare room for Liam - he really needs somewhere to study, we have the desk and everything, just no space to put it anywhere! The stuff I found in there - you wouldn't believe. There's tonnes of stuff waiting to be ebayed, loads of Liam's photography magazines (never knew he had so many!) and loads of kung fu stuff plus a load of toys that I dont trust the children with alone (magnetix and beads etc).
I think I did ok actually - and a real plus point was finding a box full of Lush bath ballistics! Probably way out of date by their standards, but still smell yummy even though some colours are fading a bit.
I think I've managed to convince Liam to ask about flexible hours on mondays - just a little so that he can take the big two to school. It's just not fair on Rowan to be out so long with nowhere to rest. Liam tends to be in about 20 minutes late, and says he's thinking of just taking it off his lunch break so that he doesn't have to work late.
I got Rowan off to school and then dropped the Lost DVD off to Maria, who is feeling really sick, bless her. She never gets properly ill, and even when she is ill she works if she can! So to be kept in bed today she must really be feeling yuck. I do hope that Lost cheered her up. I think it did, from what the text she sent me said. I've come up with some theories on Lost today, nothing major - I tend to go for the small stuff that never seems to surface in a big way - but I've often been right!
I tried to get started on course reading this afternoon. I did get some done before starting to doze off! I wish I knew how to prevent this - it's driving me mad falling asleep every time I pick up a book to read.
I'm feeling so apprehensive about this course, with no idea whether I can do it or not. I can't decide whether my apathy is because I genuinely just can't be bothered or whether it stems from fear of failure. It's jut so overwhelming, everything I have to do, plus I was just really enjoying not having to do so much these past few months.
Still, I have no choice now. the course has been paid for as I'm on a low income, so if I don't make an effort I will have to pay the grant back, which I just can't do at all. Getting my book allowance would be really handy though - there's so much I need to buy at the moment and spending my money on books is not helping. I don't have the money for the books actually.
I've made a list of things i need/want to buy, things that I have been thinking of for ages but either never have the money or they just get forgotten when there is money around. So far there is;
Dog food (ordered tonight - a sack full)
Wedding Dress Cleaning (overdue I think!)
2nd hand Freezer (so I can get Tonks on to a RAW diet)
Dog training book (there's one in particular I want, might motivate me)
Carpet/flooring (for stairs and bedrooms)
Wedding Dress Storage box (no point cleaning otherwise)
Glasses (my eyes are stinging so badly recently!)
I've no idea when things will be bought at all, but hoped it will make me feel more organised. It does, a bit. a very little bit, lol.
I fell asleep this evening while trying to read. I think I lasted 10 minutes at the very maximum! not got any done since then - part of me is scared to try in case I nod off again and wake up at 2am or something ridiculous.
Actually, I have achieved things today haven't I? Just as well I blogged actually as otherwise I'd just be getting more and more depressed. now all I need to do is hang on to the fact that I have done stuff, I am worthy and I can carry on doing things...
...and so much for not being moany on here, huh.
I convinced Liam to take F&S to school this morning, meaning that Rowan and I do not need to wonder around for a few hours waiting for nursery to start. We got to spend some nice time at home, playing together on the Wii and he played about while I surfed for a bit.
Then I began gutting the spare room for Liam - he really needs somewhere to study, we have the desk and everything, just no space to put it anywhere! The stuff I found in there - you wouldn't believe. There's tonnes of stuff waiting to be ebayed, loads of Liam's photography magazines (never knew he had so many!) and loads of kung fu stuff plus a load of toys that I dont trust the children with alone (magnetix and beads etc).
I think I did ok actually - and a real plus point was finding a box full of Lush bath ballistics! Probably way out of date by their standards, but still smell yummy even though some colours are fading a bit.
I think I've managed to convince Liam to ask about flexible hours on mondays - just a little so that he can take the big two to school. It's just not fair on Rowan to be out so long with nowhere to rest. Liam tends to be in about 20 minutes late, and says he's thinking of just taking it off his lunch break so that he doesn't have to work late.
I got Rowan off to school and then dropped the Lost DVD off to Maria, who is feeling really sick, bless her. She never gets properly ill, and even when she is ill she works if she can! So to be kept in bed today she must really be feeling yuck. I do hope that Lost cheered her up. I think it did, from what the text she sent me said. I've come up with some theories on Lost today, nothing major - I tend to go for the small stuff that never seems to surface in a big way - but I've often been right!
I tried to get started on course reading this afternoon. I did get some done before starting to doze off! I wish I knew how to prevent this - it's driving me mad falling asleep every time I pick up a book to read.
I'm feeling so apprehensive about this course, with no idea whether I can do it or not. I can't decide whether my apathy is because I genuinely just can't be bothered or whether it stems from fear of failure. It's jut so overwhelming, everything I have to do, plus I was just really enjoying not having to do so much these past few months.
Still, I have no choice now. the course has been paid for as I'm on a low income, so if I don't make an effort I will have to pay the grant back, which I just can't do at all. Getting my book allowance would be really handy though - there's so much I need to buy at the moment and spending my money on books is not helping. I don't have the money for the books actually.
I've made a list of things i need/want to buy, things that I have been thinking of for ages but either never have the money or they just get forgotten when there is money around. So far there is;
Dog food (ordered tonight - a sack full)
Wedding Dress Cleaning (overdue I think!)
2nd hand Freezer (so I can get Tonks on to a RAW diet)
Dog training book (there's one in particular I want, might motivate me)
Carpet/flooring (for stairs and bedrooms)
Wedding Dress Storage box (no point cleaning otherwise)
Glasses (my eyes are stinging so badly recently!)
I've no idea when things will be bought at all, but hoped it will make me feel more organised. It does, a bit. a very little bit, lol.
I fell asleep this evening while trying to read. I think I lasted 10 minutes at the very maximum! not got any done since then - part of me is scared to try in case I nod off again and wake up at 2am or something ridiculous.
Actually, I have achieved things today haven't I? Just as well I blogged actually as otherwise I'd just be getting more and more depressed. now all I need to do is hang on to the fact that I have done stuff, I am worthy and I can carry on doing things...
Sunday, February 3, 2008
I'm actually a bit more stressy now! (and then less)
After a long day...
I had a nice time this morning, quiet time playing with Rowan mainly. He didn't want to go to Kung Fu, and I don't blame him with how angry Liam can get on the lead up to leaving because he doesn't get prepared the night before and hates being late.
As soon as Scarlett got home we had to dash off to a soft play for yet another party. As she is in reception class, all the children in there are born the same time of year and there are a LOT of parties to attend! I think next week is the last one, thank goodness! But Frazer has one on the same day...
Was manic at the soft play and Scarlett was not happy. She was generally whingy, would wail in agony if anyone so much as touched her, was thirsty but wouldn't drink, didn't want to play etc, etc. I tried my hardest and think she actually had a good time in the end though.
We mums still managed to have a good gossip despite the noise. I really like the bunch of mums in Scarlett's class, and I think I talk to them much more than those from Frazer's class. I'm finding out more and more about one boy in the class who seems to be picking on each child one by one and bullying them. I can't stand this little boy - I'm very accepting and friendly usually, but I honestly can't see anything likable in him, and his mother is very much the kind of person that will never discipline him at all - a 'boys will be boys' person, no matter how much he hurts others.
He's been sent to the head teacher for telling the muslim children in their class that 'all muslims are stupid', he (and his mother) have got in to trouble for bullying a more boisterous (in an acceptable way!) boy, then he moved on to someone else when the mums argued over this. The next boy he picked on happens to have a mother who is very sick at the moment, possibly with cancer. Fortunately he no longer seems to bully this child, but moved on to Scarlett's best friend, and today I found out that he has been hitting the smallest boy in their class - a lovely little boy who needs a supporting frame to walk as meningitis destroyed his legs as a baby.
It just makes me sick! I'm not a confrontational person at all, but I'm getting so wound up from hearing so many parents' accounts of the bullying that if he ever started on Scarlett I am sure that I would explode in his mother's face!
Anyway, we left the (noisy!) party and went on to Liam's parents. Of course being late we were there long enough to see Liam's dad - a lovely man but boy is he loud! Especially around my children, and even more especially when he's just come back from the pub. Oh I just wanted to hide and sleep somewhere quiet!
I have been wracking my brains all day, trying to think of who I could ask to come and look after the kids while I go to tutorials. I still can't believe they fall on a bloody wednesday! Typical.
So on the way home from Liam's mum's house I'm panicking. I'm not sure I even want to do this course any more - I've enjoyed the time off between courses too much and now value getting to have not-study-time. I'm behind already, unable to afford my books and can't see a way possible for me to get to tutorials. I tell Liam 'I don't know why I'm doing this course anyway, I'm not going to be able to do it. All I'm good at is f***ing making babies' I was so down and depressed.
So he replied 'well just stick with that then!' in a really moody voice. Not helped by the fact that recently he has said a number of times (fair enough often jokingly but still...) that he wants no more children.
I could have cried. I would have, in fact, if i were by myself. Worst of all, I was sure that he didn't realise at all how much it had cut me.
Still, he's apologised since, when I told him that it really hurt my feelings. I am feeling better to the point that i didn't need to finish my chocolate Flake(!)
Better still is that I have contacted Ashleigh, my 13 year old sister in law. She is going to babysit on the wednesdays when I am at tutorials. I'm going to really have to prep the kids in advance and pray they are good for her. I'll also have to dash home that day (Frazer has percussion after school so we wont get in until after 5pm probably and I need to leave by 6!), get them in to pyjamas quick and feed them quicker!
I'm worried that Ashleigh will have to deal with getting them in to bed. Although they go down ok at other people's houses, I'm not sure how it will pan out at home. Still, her mum isn't far (max 15 minutes walk), I'll be on the other end of the phone and if it comes to it, the kids stay up and are tired the next day. I was worried that it would compromise Ashleigh's education (apparently school are already talking to her about Oxford and Cambridge!) but as it wont be that often, and TBH she probably goes to bed between 10 and 11 anyway when at home - well she and her mum are ok with it, and I do really appreciate it.
lol - i just had to amend my title - I was super stressed when I began typing but stuff has happened since and I'm less stressed!
Lost has also been on - I've been waiting for it for months! Liam's spoiled it by going on and on about Sawyer. OK, he would argue that but over time he has gone on about it a lot, and Liam is the master of getting the message across without saying anything. I can't believe how we've gone from looking forward to Lost - I used to Love watching it with him! - to him being so moody about it that it practically spoils the whole thing for me.
And all because he found out that I find one man attractive. sheesh. any red-blooded male would have a few women on their list, and most women are the same! Surely it shows hat I'm normal rather than a whore? OK, he hasn't called me a whore(!) but the implication that he is very uncomfortable with the whole idea is always there.
Back to Lost though - fantastic! I really enjoyed getting back in to it, though of course many many questions have been thrown at me and nothing much answered at all. there was a really scary bit - very Blair Witch, which I just don't like at all, but then I'm a wuss!
I'd better get off and ready for school now. i suppose I should take my course book with me tomorrow, have to carry it around all day though. i wish wish WISH Liam would agree to taking the kids to school on a monday - I wont mind doing dinner if he has to work a little later (but would people mind eating it?!) and it's just not fair to make Rowan walk around all morning in the cold and wet when nursery tires him out enough without any walking at all. I feel so sorry for the poor mite; if it tires me then it must really affect him. If Liam could take the other two to school on mondays then I could take Rowan in the carrier to school in the afternoon, and we would actually get a chance to sit indoors for a morning! I could get stuff done!
that's another thing you don't wanna get me started on - why is it I feel I have to do the bulk of everything in the home when in actual fact I'm only indoors half an hour more than Liam is each day?!
I had a nice time this morning, quiet time playing with Rowan mainly. He didn't want to go to Kung Fu, and I don't blame him with how angry Liam can get on the lead up to leaving because he doesn't get prepared the night before and hates being late.
As soon as Scarlett got home we had to dash off to a soft play for yet another party. As she is in reception class, all the children in there are born the same time of year and there are a LOT of parties to attend! I think next week is the last one, thank goodness! But Frazer has one on the same day...
Was manic at the soft play and Scarlett was not happy. She was generally whingy, would wail in agony if anyone so much as touched her, was thirsty but wouldn't drink, didn't want to play etc, etc. I tried my hardest and think she actually had a good time in the end though.
We mums still managed to have a good gossip despite the noise. I really like the bunch of mums in Scarlett's class, and I think I talk to them much more than those from Frazer's class. I'm finding out more and more about one boy in the class who seems to be picking on each child one by one and bullying them. I can't stand this little boy - I'm very accepting and friendly usually, but I honestly can't see anything likable in him, and his mother is very much the kind of person that will never discipline him at all - a 'boys will be boys' person, no matter how much he hurts others.
He's been sent to the head teacher for telling the muslim children in their class that 'all muslims are stupid', he (and his mother) have got in to trouble for bullying a more boisterous (in an acceptable way!) boy, then he moved on to someone else when the mums argued over this. The next boy he picked on happens to have a mother who is very sick at the moment, possibly with cancer. Fortunately he no longer seems to bully this child, but moved on to Scarlett's best friend, and today I found out that he has been hitting the smallest boy in their class - a lovely little boy who needs a supporting frame to walk as meningitis destroyed his legs as a baby.
It just makes me sick! I'm not a confrontational person at all, but I'm getting so wound up from hearing so many parents' accounts of the bullying that if he ever started on Scarlett I am sure that I would explode in his mother's face!
Anyway, we left the (noisy!) party and went on to Liam's parents. Of course being late we were there long enough to see Liam's dad - a lovely man but boy is he loud! Especially around my children, and even more especially when he's just come back from the pub. Oh I just wanted to hide and sleep somewhere quiet!
I have been wracking my brains all day, trying to think of who I could ask to come and look after the kids while I go to tutorials. I still can't believe they fall on a bloody wednesday! Typical.
So on the way home from Liam's mum's house I'm panicking. I'm not sure I even want to do this course any more - I've enjoyed the time off between courses too much and now value getting to have not-study-time. I'm behind already, unable to afford my books and can't see a way possible for me to get to tutorials. I tell Liam 'I don't know why I'm doing this course anyway, I'm not going to be able to do it. All I'm good at is f***ing making babies' I was so down and depressed.
So he replied 'well just stick with that then!' in a really moody voice. Not helped by the fact that recently he has said a number of times (fair enough often jokingly but still...) that he wants no more children.
I could have cried. I would have, in fact, if i were by myself. Worst of all, I was sure that he didn't realise at all how much it had cut me.
Still, he's apologised since, when I told him that it really hurt my feelings. I am feeling better to the point that i didn't need to finish my chocolate Flake(!)
Better still is that I have contacted Ashleigh, my 13 year old sister in law. She is going to babysit on the wednesdays when I am at tutorials. I'm going to really have to prep the kids in advance and pray they are good for her. I'll also have to dash home that day (Frazer has percussion after school so we wont get in until after 5pm probably and I need to leave by 6!), get them in to pyjamas quick and feed them quicker!
I'm worried that Ashleigh will have to deal with getting them in to bed. Although they go down ok at other people's houses, I'm not sure how it will pan out at home. Still, her mum isn't far (max 15 minutes walk), I'll be on the other end of the phone and if it comes to it, the kids stay up and are tired the next day. I was worried that it would compromise Ashleigh's education (apparently school are already talking to her about Oxford and Cambridge!) but as it wont be that often, and TBH she probably goes to bed between 10 and 11 anyway when at home - well she and her mum are ok with it, and I do really appreciate it.
lol - i just had to amend my title - I was super stressed when I began typing but stuff has happened since and I'm less stressed!
Lost has also been on - I've been waiting for it for months! Liam's spoiled it by going on and on about Sawyer. OK, he would argue that but over time he has gone on about it a lot, and Liam is the master of getting the message across without saying anything. I can't believe how we've gone from looking forward to Lost - I used to Love watching it with him! - to him being so moody about it that it practically spoils the whole thing for me.
And all because he found out that I find one man attractive. sheesh. any red-blooded male would have a few women on their list, and most women are the same! Surely it shows hat I'm normal rather than a whore? OK, he hasn't called me a whore(!) but the implication that he is very uncomfortable with the whole idea is always there.
Back to Lost though - fantastic! I really enjoyed getting back in to it, though of course many many questions have been thrown at me and nothing much answered at all. there was a really scary bit - very Blair Witch, which I just don't like at all, but then I'm a wuss!
I'd better get off and ready for school now. i suppose I should take my course book with me tomorrow, have to carry it around all day though. i wish wish WISH Liam would agree to taking the kids to school on a monday - I wont mind doing dinner if he has to work a little later (but would people mind eating it?!) and it's just not fair to make Rowan walk around all morning in the cold and wet when nursery tires him out enough without any walking at all. I feel so sorry for the poor mite; if it tires me then it must really affect him. If Liam could take the other two to school on mondays then I could take Rowan in the carrier to school in the afternoon, and we would actually get a chance to sit indoors for a morning! I could get stuff done!
that's another thing you don't wanna get me started on - why is it I feel I have to do the bulk of everything in the home when in actual fact I'm only indoors half an hour more than Liam is each day?!
Agh I'm so nervous
My tutor for this year's OU course phoned me yesterday to introduce herself.
1, this makes everything more real, and makes the course more NOW and not 'some time in the future'
2, I have found out that the tutorials with her are on Wednesday evenings - the night DH teaches Kung Fu! So I can't go to them at all. I can go to tutorials with another tutor, but I find it's really not the same - I want to know what my tutor expects of me, as she is the one that will be marking my work.
3, I've realised that my course started yesterday. Yes, YESTERDAY. And I'm only half way through the third book of my long booklist of which I am supposed to try to read before the course starts. I did start reading ages ago, but obviously not got far - which leads me to wonder whether I can get anywhere on this course at all?!
I also haven't ordered the last book needed (that can't be bought in shops apparently) and I don't have most of the books from my book list yet, but borrowing them from the library until I get my book grant.
It's a level 2 course now, which apparently is a fair step up from level one (last year I did level one) and I don't even feel like I can leanon DH too much, as he starts his Law Degree in earnest this month.
Oh bugger, I really am nervous now - I haven't even started to look at my work books yet. Eep.
1, this makes everything more real, and makes the course more NOW and not 'some time in the future'
2, I have found out that the tutorials with her are on Wednesday evenings - the night DH teaches Kung Fu! So I can't go to them at all. I can go to tutorials with another tutor, but I find it's really not the same - I want to know what my tutor expects of me, as she is the one that will be marking my work.
3, I've realised that my course started yesterday. Yes, YESTERDAY. And I'm only half way through the third book of my long booklist of which I am supposed to try to read before the course starts. I did start reading ages ago, but obviously not got far - which leads me to wonder whether I can get anywhere on this course at all?!
I also haven't ordered the last book needed (that can't be bought in shops apparently) and I don't have most of the books from my book list yet, but borrowing them from the library until I get my book grant.
It's a level 2 course now, which apparently is a fair step up from level one (last year I did level one) and I don't even feel like I can leanon DH too much, as he starts his Law Degree in earnest this month.
Oh bugger, I really am nervous now - I haven't even started to look at my work books yet. Eep.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
The Bunny Picnic
Went well!
Scarlett and her little friend are both so shy, but actually managed to talk to each other a bit today, in between feeding their bunnies and munching on their own 'picnic' food. We had to rush Asda in order to get he food in before guests arrived - I don't know what is happening there; all of a sudden Asda seems to be constantly packed, yet they never open more tills! Having friends over is good though - we get a good kick up the bum to tidy up, lol! But it probably means that so much stuff has been chucked in my room I'll barely be able to reach my bed...
Liam spent his time at the allotment today, just digging over really, as it's still too cold for planting most stuff. He found some old potatoes in the part he was going to plant some of his own in, which apparently isn't good, as you aren't supposed to plant two lots of potatoes in the same place because of bacterias.
I wish we could take Tonks there. I understand why dogs are not allowed, of course, but it would be so handy in getting her walking, and me out of the house more. I hate being too scared to walk her as much as I want to.
Not much else got done today, but I had a really nice relaxing time with the mum of Scarlett's friend. The boys were both quite well behaved, I'm glad to say, but I do wonder if Scarlett and her friend may have interacted better without the noisy boys present.
Still, there's a party tomorrow, so a chance to be a socialite for Scarlett once again!
I'm actually starting to get tired - it's taken a while! It's midnight now and we have had a busy day with dashing about to the shops etc. Liam's been asleep on the sofa for ages, he had a big fight channel on TV and I didn't want to turn over in case that woke him up - how silly do I sound?! Even though he is asleep I prefer to keep him close when I am up.
I've been looking more at the council housing bidding site - it's pretty pants. I can't find any 3 bedroomed places at all. I shall have to keep looking, in case there is a certain day when things get offered, you never know.
I'd better be getting off now, I've been bored stiff for ages and now am tired, yet still up! Hhmmm, I really hope I've washed Liam's kung fu stuff this time...
Scarlett and her little friend are both so shy, but actually managed to talk to each other a bit today, in between feeding their bunnies and munching on their own 'picnic' food. We had to rush Asda in order to get he food in before guests arrived - I don't know what is happening there; all of a sudden Asda seems to be constantly packed, yet they never open more tills! Having friends over is good though - we get a good kick up the bum to tidy up, lol! But it probably means that so much stuff has been chucked in my room I'll barely be able to reach my bed...
Liam spent his time at the allotment today, just digging over really, as it's still too cold for planting most stuff. He found some old potatoes in the part he was going to plant some of his own in, which apparently isn't good, as you aren't supposed to plant two lots of potatoes in the same place because of bacterias.
I wish we could take Tonks there. I understand why dogs are not allowed, of course, but it would be so handy in getting her walking, and me out of the house more. I hate being too scared to walk her as much as I want to.
Not much else got done today, but I had a really nice relaxing time with the mum of Scarlett's friend. The boys were both quite well behaved, I'm glad to say, but I do wonder if Scarlett and her friend may have interacted better without the noisy boys present.
Still, there's a party tomorrow, so a chance to be a socialite for Scarlett once again!
I'm actually starting to get tired - it's taken a while! It's midnight now and we have had a busy day with dashing about to the shops etc. Liam's been asleep on the sofa for ages, he had a big fight channel on TV and I didn't want to turn over in case that woke him up - how silly do I sound?! Even though he is asleep I prefer to keep him close when I am up.
I've been looking more at the council housing bidding site - it's pretty pants. I can't find any 3 bedroomed places at all. I shall have to keep looking, in case there is a certain day when things get offered, you never know.
I'd better be getting off now, I've been bored stiff for ages and now am tired, yet still up! Hhmmm, I really hope I've washed Liam's kung fu stuff this time...
insomniac again
What's up with me? I really should go to bed but I don't want to.
Tomorrow Scarlett has a friend over for a 'bunny picnic', so I could really do with either sorting the house out, or getting off to bed so that I have the energy to do it tomorrow morning! Yet here I am, online still.
Ah well, I guess I have my reasons for not going to bed, which I don't really want to go in to right here, right now, but it is annoying. And I guess internet and TV is more interesting than loading the dishwasher etc.
Mind you, the stupid internet keeps disconnecting. Plus it takes a while to load when I open my laptop. Not ages I suppose, but I'm used to it being instant. ah well, at least this one is free with the TV.
I've been browsing the Council properties page. they now have a bidding system in place, so rather than wait for years for something to be allocated, you now need to bid weekly on various places until you get lucky. they were just putting this system in to operation when we got moved - I wonder if we had waited another month, if maybe we would have been able to choose a place closer to the school, our family, friends and places we know.
I hate where we live now, I Love our house, but the area we live in is horrible - on the doorstep of one of the worst places in London. There's too much crime around here - I'm scared to leave the house once it's dark, and to be honest I don't really venture anywhere around here except to the shops, even in the day time. I spend most of my days either indoors, or where the childrens' school is - where we used to live. which is where I want to live now.
don't get me wrong, i know my desired area is not crime free - I'm under no illusions. But compared to where we are now, it would be great. Plus the school run could be cut by so much! I could get my children in to the local school but i never would. It's so rubbish I'd rather home educate, and although I'm not at all against H.E. - i just know I'd be pants at it! lol
Anyway, been checking out the properties they have, and there's not one listing for a 3 bedroomed ground floor place in two of the areas I tried. Nor is there a 3 bedroomed property on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th floors. don't ask me why I checked those floors as I have no intention of moving there (impractical with young children plus dog) - I guess I just wanted to know how things stand.
I don't think we stand much of a chance to be honest.
It's all so disheartening. Why can't I just win the lottery? Just once? Only enough to buy a home, that will do - I'm not asking for millions or to be set up for life. This would just make everything so much easier.
I've wondered (and I know Liam has done the same) whether we should ever have moved from our old flat. It was horrible there - a small one bedroom place and absolutely riddled with damp mould - only Scarlett out of all of us, escaped breathing problems that needed medications because of this damp. The hot water and heating never worked, and the walls were so solid you couldn't put shelves up (which was a pain with it being so tiny there), the toilet was an unfixable mess and the people upstairs used to be noisy.
BUT
It was close to the school, library, tube line, shopping centre, friends, family, park and our GP surgery. We only had neighbours on one side and they were the best neighbours you could ever wish for. People were friendly around there, and there's lots of toddler groups, etc. I felt safe there - it has crime, but not the same as here. Pizza people wont even deliver to us after a pizza delivery man got stabbed around the corner at 2:30 in the afternoon. The horrid people that did it didn't even do it to steal anything from him - they came back later as an afterthought and took his pizzas. what made me really sick was that the blood was never cleaned up. A thick, big, dark congealing pool of blood sat there for about 5 days before the rain began to wash it away.
At our old house neighbours would look out for each other, and although we didn't know everyone in the area, there was enough of a community for you to recognise many people when you went out.
I've said to so many times, but if I could take the home we live in now and move it to an area nearer to the school I would jump at the chance, I so so would.
things have been hard today. I went to bed early with the most awful headache last night, and Liam didn't get in until late. i woke up with the headache and there has been a near constant furrow in my brow today, from stress and the pain.
I wanted to offload on a friend, but both people I felt I could confide in most were otherwise occupied today! I offloaded on a mum I know from the school. Oh bless her, she is so lovely. She patiently listened to me, and gave practical solutions to my issues, without dismissing a single thought. We had a real good chat, which definitely helped me to get through the day.
I was still falling asleep by the time afternoon rolled around and I had to get back to reading 'Frankenstein' though. I started off OK, but after a while I realised that I had read the same line about 50 times and still had no idea what it said. I was falling asleep and coming dangerously close to snoring in the middle of the Burger King seating area! Maybe I did snore but don't remember. I hope not.
I'd better go now. I think that I'm too tired to go tidy and clean now, but hopefully if I can get some rest I shall be more human and able in the morning.
Tomorrow Scarlett has a friend over for a 'bunny picnic', so I could really do with either sorting the house out, or getting off to bed so that I have the energy to do it tomorrow morning! Yet here I am, online still.
Ah well, I guess I have my reasons for not going to bed, which I don't really want to go in to right here, right now, but it is annoying. And I guess internet and TV is more interesting than loading the dishwasher etc.
Mind you, the stupid internet keeps disconnecting. Plus it takes a while to load when I open my laptop. Not ages I suppose, but I'm used to it being instant. ah well, at least this one is free with the TV.
I've been browsing the Council properties page. they now have a bidding system in place, so rather than wait for years for something to be allocated, you now need to bid weekly on various places until you get lucky. they were just putting this system in to operation when we got moved - I wonder if we had waited another month, if maybe we would have been able to choose a place closer to the school, our family, friends and places we know.
I hate where we live now, I Love our house, but the area we live in is horrible - on the doorstep of one of the worst places in London. There's too much crime around here - I'm scared to leave the house once it's dark, and to be honest I don't really venture anywhere around here except to the shops, even in the day time. I spend most of my days either indoors, or where the childrens' school is - where we used to live. which is where I want to live now.
don't get me wrong, i know my desired area is not crime free - I'm under no illusions. But compared to where we are now, it would be great. Plus the school run could be cut by so much! I could get my children in to the local school but i never would. It's so rubbish I'd rather home educate, and although I'm not at all against H.E. - i just know I'd be pants at it! lol
Anyway, been checking out the properties they have, and there's not one listing for a 3 bedroomed ground floor place in two of the areas I tried. Nor is there a 3 bedroomed property on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th floors. don't ask me why I checked those floors as I have no intention of moving there (impractical with young children plus dog) - I guess I just wanted to know how things stand.
I don't think we stand much of a chance to be honest.
It's all so disheartening. Why can't I just win the lottery? Just once? Only enough to buy a home, that will do - I'm not asking for millions or to be set up for life. This would just make everything so much easier.
I've wondered (and I know Liam has done the same) whether we should ever have moved from our old flat. It was horrible there - a small one bedroom place and absolutely riddled with damp mould - only Scarlett out of all of us, escaped breathing problems that needed medications because of this damp. The hot water and heating never worked, and the walls were so solid you couldn't put shelves up (which was a pain with it being so tiny there), the toilet was an unfixable mess and the people upstairs used to be noisy.
BUT
It was close to the school, library, tube line, shopping centre, friends, family, park and our GP surgery. We only had neighbours on one side and they were the best neighbours you could ever wish for. People were friendly around there, and there's lots of toddler groups, etc. I felt safe there - it has crime, but not the same as here. Pizza people wont even deliver to us after a pizza delivery man got stabbed around the corner at 2:30 in the afternoon. The horrid people that did it didn't even do it to steal anything from him - they came back later as an afterthought and took his pizzas. what made me really sick was that the blood was never cleaned up. A thick, big, dark congealing pool of blood sat there for about 5 days before the rain began to wash it away.
At our old house neighbours would look out for each other, and although we didn't know everyone in the area, there was enough of a community for you to recognise many people when you went out.
I've said to so many times, but if I could take the home we live in now and move it to an area nearer to the school I would jump at the chance, I so so would.
things have been hard today. I went to bed early with the most awful headache last night, and Liam didn't get in until late. i woke up with the headache and there has been a near constant furrow in my brow today, from stress and the pain.
I wanted to offload on a friend, but both people I felt I could confide in most were otherwise occupied today! I offloaded on a mum I know from the school. Oh bless her, she is so lovely. She patiently listened to me, and gave practical solutions to my issues, without dismissing a single thought. We had a real good chat, which definitely helped me to get through the day.
I was still falling asleep by the time afternoon rolled around and I had to get back to reading 'Frankenstein' though. I started off OK, but after a while I realised that I had read the same line about 50 times and still had no idea what it said. I was falling asleep and coming dangerously close to snoring in the middle of the Burger King seating area! Maybe I did snore but don't remember. I hope not.
I'd better go now. I think that I'm too tired to go tidy and clean now, but hopefully if I can get some rest I shall be more human and able in the morning.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Headache
I've been offline so not blogged for a week. I had hoped that our Tiscali to Sky change over would be a smooth one, but this was not meant to be.
We couldn't connect to the net from about Wednesday night I think; apparently Sky had sent our new router, with log in details, to us, but Parcel Force had missed us, and chosen not to leave a card. Liam managed to track it down, and asked for it to be sent to a post office near his work - well that took a couple of days (of course) and then when he got it home it took a bit of fiddling with but eventually worked. All in all about a week offline, although I have figured out that one of the computers a the library actually allows some forums beyond the BBC and children's websites.
I've been getting awful headaches at times, I don't like it. I'm also getting stinging eyes when I read or watch TV too long. I know I really need to get to the opticians but I just can't afford it - bills to pay and then childrens' clothes to buy and dog food to order, not to mention a letter box cage as Tonks keeps eating all the post.
I've also found hat I'm bleeding when ever I have sex. Embaressingly, I phoned my GP about this last year (almost exactly a year ago!) and as i phoned her tonight she told me that we had arranged that I would make an appointment for a proper examination.... I never did. But in my defence, things got better. But then again, we had a lot less sex. It's only recently I've pieced together that it's probably not coincidence that my period starts after I've had sex - I always thought that hormonally I must just want it more then or something! But nope, sex is definitely causing it, and that can't be good, can it?
I'm going for a check next Wednesday, will mean missing the breastfeeding cafe but will be worth it to find out what's up. I hope it's nothing drastic - I have left it a long time now, time to fester and get worse. i reckon it's a combination of the 'slight prolapse' I've been told I have, and the coil getting knocked and irritating my cervix or something. Hopefully nothing that will hinder pregnancy chances - oh please not that.
I'm also taking Scarlett to the GP with me. We're at the point now where Rowan is more reliable to stay dry than she is, and I really need to get it seen to. Sometimes I think she's just being awkward, or she has a fear of public toilets - and I don't get it checked out because I blame myself for her being like this (pushed her in to toilet training before she was ready I think), but then sometimes she tells me that she doesn't realise when she's doing it - and then I don't know what to think. Hopefully we will find out.
Liam is out tonight. He has a work friend leaving - they're all leaving. Apparently the office just isn't the same since this new boss took over. Liam's never been entirely happy there, but now more than ever it's his resolution to get out of there before ht year is done. We're still waiting to hear on his police force application. It's 11pm now and I've not heard from him - this is the guy that never used to go anywhere, bless him.
Mind you, i suppose he could have tried the housephone, but I doubt it. I've been in a call to my mum for much of tonight; she has had a full day, because she found out that her mother is 'riddled with cancer' and has 6 months to live. It's an odd one for me in a way, because I feel incredibly sad. In part because she is a lovely woman and I really like her, but also because I feel incredible sadness for my adopted family; this is and will hit them hard. Because I was taken in to the family as a teen, I never really got integrated in to the extended family, although I've met some of them, and my children refer to her as 'great-gran'. I'm trying to find out about homeopathy for this, to pass on to my mum.
I had a couple of panics yesterday. It was heading to be a busy one - Frazer had a school trip, then percussion after school. Scarlett had her best friend's party to go to at the same time Frazer finished percussion and Liam was to be out at Kung Fu, of course, so no dinner arrangements and I was broke.
The lesser panic was at the breastfeeding cafe. Rowan came up to me with real worry in his eyes and a puffy red, tear stained face. He mumble-squeaked something to me a few times before i could party understand when I said; 'Rowan. Have you put a raisin up your nose?' The poor boy nodded - he looked terrified!
I was unsure what to do at first, this is a parenting milestone for me - 3 children and the youngest is 3 years old, I thought I would have had this one by now! I called the health visitor over to help, but unfortunately she wasn't too sure. i hear a mum say to another that we should go to A&E and i thought nooo, not for a raisin, surely? not yet anyway! lol.
In the end I was amazingly relieved, because I have taught Rowan to blow his nose properly. He managed to get it out just fine and all was well.
Scare number two came shortly after;
I dropped Rowan off at 1pm (all happy!) and got as far as the school gates when my phone rang, it was the school, so I answered and suggested I come in to talk, as I was right there.
I turned around to go back and saw Frazer, on his way to a school trip (theatre near tower bridge). So I know it's not him, I've just dropped off Rowan happy as Larry, so have I forgotten something...? As soon as I was in the doors I saw the head teacher, holding on to Scarlett's hand, he looked quite worried and told me that she seemed to be in a lot of pain and they couldn't help her.
Sure enough she's red faced, clutching her belly and nearly screaming. I took her from him and tried to calm her down enough to find out what was wrong, took her to the toilet etc, but all I could get was that she wanted Frazer. I was a bit miffed at first that she wanted him and not me, but really worried about her belly - by now she was rolling around on the floor clutching it and I couldn't think of anything that could help; memories of Frazer almost dying from a ruptured appendix only a little younger than Scarlett is now - 'what if it is genetic?!' I kept thinking.
I took her home, was worried she would throw up everywhere but fortunately she did not. Called Liam to come home and he did an exasperated 'what?!' to which I told him - Don't you 'what' me - you're a parent, you should expect this kind of thing!
TBH, normally it wouldn't enter my head to call him - I'd take all three of them home early with me and, well, manage, but with Frazer out on a school trip this was not an option; one of us needed to be at home while the other did the school run.
She couldn't stand up straight most of the time, and couldn't keep still when we were not moving, she kept calling for Frazer, and said that she was scared, she didn't want him on a school trip.
So here's where I get more worried - I was close to taking her to A&E (only there was a sensible part of me kept saying you can't do that just for a belly ache) for fear of appendicitis, and now the superstitious part of me was incredibly worried that the Tower Bridge area was about to come under terrorist attack - that Scarlett was having some kind of premonition.
I wouldn't even post this moment online, if it weren't for speaking to a few other people already who said they would have felt the same. I do genuinely believe children are more tuned in to such things.
I carried DD half the way from the bus stop to home then had to put her down as she wouldn't let me use the carrier. She seemed to perk up as we got near to home, and she practically passed out on the sofa when we got in. It was very hard to rouse her later (at what point do you worry about that?! was another thought to hit me) but when she did wake, she was all smiles and giggles It later became apparent that it was Frazer's first trip since Scarlett has been in Reception class, so it was her first time in the big play ground without him! The poor thing had upset herself so much that she couldn't be calmed down again- and all was OK in the end.
It was very weird at picking up time, as we took Scarlett in her party dress, all ready for her best friend's birthday party! I felt guilty, but knew that I had no need - I could not have left her at school in that state, but she was perfectly well to go to the party now. I'm so glad she did - they had a great time. and as it turned out, Liam didn't go back to work so we had a bit more time with him, and I didn't need to do dinner as the children had a kids' meal with the party stuff.
I'd better stop there, I'm getting so sleepy now and i still need to get school stuff ready for the morning. Ho hum.
We couldn't connect to the net from about Wednesday night I think; apparently Sky had sent our new router, with log in details, to us, but Parcel Force had missed us, and chosen not to leave a card. Liam managed to track it down, and asked for it to be sent to a post office near his work - well that took a couple of days (of course) and then when he got it home it took a bit of fiddling with but eventually worked. All in all about a week offline, although I have figured out that one of the computers a the library actually allows some forums beyond the BBC and children's websites.
I've been getting awful headaches at times, I don't like it. I'm also getting stinging eyes when I read or watch TV too long. I know I really need to get to the opticians but I just can't afford it - bills to pay and then childrens' clothes to buy and dog food to order, not to mention a letter box cage as Tonks keeps eating all the post.
I've also found hat I'm bleeding when ever I have sex. Embaressingly, I phoned my GP about this last year (almost exactly a year ago!) and as i phoned her tonight she told me that we had arranged that I would make an appointment for a proper examination.... I never did. But in my defence, things got better. But then again, we had a lot less sex. It's only recently I've pieced together that it's probably not coincidence that my period starts after I've had sex - I always thought that hormonally I must just want it more then or something! But nope, sex is definitely causing it, and that can't be good, can it?
I'm going for a check next Wednesday, will mean missing the breastfeeding cafe but will be worth it to find out what's up. I hope it's nothing drastic - I have left it a long time now, time to fester and get worse. i reckon it's a combination of the 'slight prolapse' I've been told I have, and the coil getting knocked and irritating my cervix or something. Hopefully nothing that will hinder pregnancy chances - oh please not that.
I'm also taking Scarlett to the GP with me. We're at the point now where Rowan is more reliable to stay dry than she is, and I really need to get it seen to. Sometimes I think she's just being awkward, or she has a fear of public toilets - and I don't get it checked out because I blame myself for her being like this (pushed her in to toilet training before she was ready I think), but then sometimes she tells me that she doesn't realise when she's doing it - and then I don't know what to think. Hopefully we will find out.
Liam is out tonight. He has a work friend leaving - they're all leaving. Apparently the office just isn't the same since this new boss took over. Liam's never been entirely happy there, but now more than ever it's his resolution to get out of there before ht year is done. We're still waiting to hear on his police force application. It's 11pm now and I've not heard from him - this is the guy that never used to go anywhere, bless him.
Mind you, i suppose he could have tried the housephone, but I doubt it. I've been in a call to my mum for much of tonight; she has had a full day, because she found out that her mother is 'riddled with cancer' and has 6 months to live. It's an odd one for me in a way, because I feel incredibly sad. In part because she is a lovely woman and I really like her, but also because I feel incredible sadness for my adopted family; this is and will hit them hard. Because I was taken in to the family as a teen, I never really got integrated in to the extended family, although I've met some of them, and my children refer to her as 'great-gran'. I'm trying to find out about homeopathy for this, to pass on to my mum.
I had a couple of panics yesterday. It was heading to be a busy one - Frazer had a school trip, then percussion after school. Scarlett had her best friend's party to go to at the same time Frazer finished percussion and Liam was to be out at Kung Fu, of course, so no dinner arrangements and I was broke.
The lesser panic was at the breastfeeding cafe. Rowan came up to me with real worry in his eyes and a puffy red, tear stained face. He mumble-squeaked something to me a few times before i could party understand when I said; 'Rowan. Have you put a raisin up your nose?' The poor boy nodded - he looked terrified!
I was unsure what to do at first, this is a parenting milestone for me - 3 children and the youngest is 3 years old, I thought I would have had this one by now! I called the health visitor over to help, but unfortunately she wasn't too sure. i hear a mum say to another that we should go to A&E and i thought nooo, not for a raisin, surely? not yet anyway! lol.
In the end I was amazingly relieved, because I have taught Rowan to blow his nose properly. He managed to get it out just fine and all was well.
Scare number two came shortly after;
I dropped Rowan off at 1pm (all happy!) and got as far as the school gates when my phone rang, it was the school, so I answered and suggested I come in to talk, as I was right there.
I turned around to go back and saw Frazer, on his way to a school trip (theatre near tower bridge). So I know it's not him, I've just dropped off Rowan happy as Larry, so have I forgotten something...? As soon as I was in the doors I saw the head teacher, holding on to Scarlett's hand, he looked quite worried and told me that she seemed to be in a lot of pain and they couldn't help her.
Sure enough she's red faced, clutching her belly and nearly screaming. I took her from him and tried to calm her down enough to find out what was wrong, took her to the toilet etc, but all I could get was that she wanted Frazer. I was a bit miffed at first that she wanted him and not me, but really worried about her belly - by now she was rolling around on the floor clutching it and I couldn't think of anything that could help; memories of Frazer almost dying from a ruptured appendix only a little younger than Scarlett is now - 'what if it is genetic?!' I kept thinking.
I took her home, was worried she would throw up everywhere but fortunately she did not. Called Liam to come home and he did an exasperated 'what?!' to which I told him - Don't you 'what' me - you're a parent, you should expect this kind of thing!
TBH, normally it wouldn't enter my head to call him - I'd take all three of them home early with me and, well, manage, but with Frazer out on a school trip this was not an option; one of us needed to be at home while the other did the school run.
She couldn't stand up straight most of the time, and couldn't keep still when we were not moving, she kept calling for Frazer, and said that she was scared, she didn't want him on a school trip.
So here's where I get more worried - I was close to taking her to A&E (only there was a sensible part of me kept saying you can't do that just for a belly ache) for fear of appendicitis, and now the superstitious part of me was incredibly worried that the Tower Bridge area was about to come under terrorist attack - that Scarlett was having some kind of premonition.
I wouldn't even post this moment online, if it weren't for speaking to a few other people already who said they would have felt the same. I do genuinely believe children are more tuned in to such things.
I carried DD half the way from the bus stop to home then had to put her down as she wouldn't let me use the carrier. She seemed to perk up as we got near to home, and she practically passed out on the sofa when we got in. It was very hard to rouse her later (at what point do you worry about that?! was another thought to hit me) but when she did wake, she was all smiles and giggles It later became apparent that it was Frazer's first trip since Scarlett has been in Reception class, so it was her first time in the big play ground without him! The poor thing had upset herself so much that she couldn't be calmed down again- and all was OK in the end.
It was very weird at picking up time, as we took Scarlett in her party dress, all ready for her best friend's birthday party! I felt guilty, but knew that I had no need - I could not have left her at school in that state, but she was perfectly well to go to the party now. I'm so glad she did - they had a great time. and as it turned out, Liam didn't go back to work so we had a bit more time with him, and I didn't need to do dinner as the children had a kids' meal with the party stuff.
I'd better stop there, I'm getting so sleepy now and i still need to get school stuff ready for the morning. Ho hum.
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