baby baby baby

OK, OK, I know I should be working, but I can't.

My god I'm so broody. You wouldn't believe how I feel right now. I'm supposed to be waiting until may half term to get the coil out, and then another couple of months until beginning TTC, but that's forever!
I want a baby, a tiny little newborn, I want one now.

Every night before I fall asleep, I think about holding my newborn child. Smelling their fuzzy little head, stroking their soft skin. Keeping them warm, feeding, changing, dressing, carrying... It's on my mind so much, it's my true happy thought.

I imagine having a girl, I imagine having a boy. Twins, or triplets even. Their loose skin a birth, their podgy cheeks within no time at all. I love how they smell, I adore it when they get to that very early stage of just being able to smile, but not quite getting it right yet - that newborn valiant effort trying to please mummy and daddy. Or the way they gaze in to the air, trying to make sense of the world...

I picture being pregnant, feeling my baby grow inside me, kicking about, listening to me.
I long to give birth, safe and secure in my own home. I want to see those teenie little wonky 'duckling yawns', as Liam puts it.

I have names all picked out, I hope that he or she will be a little smaller than the siblings I have already had, but know I would be happy at any size or sex.

I keep looking at baby clothes, and I keep looking at maternity stuff; online and in shops. Looking at slings and prams. I hide from Liam the pages that I've left open where I'm looking at pregnancy jeans etc, but I don't know why I'm hiding it.
Probably because he's not bothered I guess. He will comment on me looking at stuff, but go no further - I feel like I'm being naughty, I wish he would tell me that he wants to do this too, without my prompting. I know it wont happen though, but I am grateful that he is OK with it at all. He is lovely

I wish I could do this now. But wait I must!