In bed or at least getting ready for tomorrow. That's what I should be doing. But Tat's prompted me in to blogging tonight *Hi Tat!*
Today I found myself at Canary Wharf, with 15-20 minutes left until school pick up time, carrying a large parcel, heavy bag and with no money in my purse or on my Oyster Card! I was certain there was nothing in the bank too, and I had so little on my phone I could only do a drop call to Liam.
Now there's broke.
Not only broke, but pretty fucked, considering I had to be at school pretty damn quick.
I was panicking - what could I do? The only conclusion I could come up with was to cash in one of my oyster cards (I have 2) and put the £3 from that on my other card. But the queue was looonnng. I could check in case there was anything in the bank, but the queue there was also loonnnng.
Panic! Phone Liam, realise he can't do much (he suggests giving the sob story to the guards in case they let me through, I doubt it will work). Panic more! 15 minutes - shit, it's hard even to pull my sleeve up to look at my watch with all this stuff - Panic!
So how did I get to this place, this awful predicament?
Today is Thursday. The penultimate (Love that word) day of term and last chance to go shopping for end of term treats for both children and teachers (only remembered teachers yesterday!) The library toddler group was having a 'party' this morning. This translates as the usual group but a bit more food at snack time.
I got Rowan off to school and headed for the train station as fast as possible. Liam had checked with John Lewis, and they had Rowan's scooter at the Canary Wharf store, but I needed Bond Street for Lush and there's another JL nearby, bigger than the Canary Wharf one too.
I had it worked out. In fact, my boredom at the library had enabled me to write up a detailed list of what to buy, how much I thought it cost and where to buy it, and exactly what times I needed to be at all places, while still leaving me enough time to get the scooter home and hidden, then for me to get to the school.
Was about on time in to Lush, but of course the lovely ladies talk too much, too friendly! and they show me demos of new shower bombs (Sex in the Shower - looks great! You fizz it up and the scents come up in the steam - free at the moment if you spend over £15) and chat about what is good etc. I left 5 minutes late.
John Lewis: I'm not too late, but they have no scooters.
Bugger bugger bugger.
Head back to the station, need to get to Canary Wharf and pray that Auntie Laura will let me store the scooter at work until tomorrow.
Canary Wharf: Who designed that bloody place anyway!? Sure it looks good, but you try finding John Lewis! I went in to the part signed 'shopping Mall' as opposed to the 'Offices' part and get completely confused. I know there is a JL here, but it's not on the maps and it's not anywhere I can find. I did see some *lovely* bags though, in Accessorise. I've resolved to buy one as a changing bag for my next baby, and I don't care if it is suede-y, has beads and sequins and is unpractical, it's yummy! And considerably cheaper than the JL pram bags I've seen so many mums with - £70+ for a baby bag? Are you serious?!?!
I eventually ask for help and it turns out that John Lewis is in the 'offices' building.
Grrrrr.
Run over to there, look around, no John Lewis. Look more, check map, still not there. Begin to wonder if it is actually outside. Ask for help - it is on top of Waitrose and completely unmarked as JL!
Finally I find it, buy the scooter AFAP and realise that I've spent too much in Lush - need to use the tenner in my purse in case what's in the bank isn't enough. Oops, the scooter is about £2-3 more than I thought, I have to use that £5 note that's in my purse too.
*phew!*
All done now, I resolved to take the scooter with me wrapped in two big bags, will tell the children it's daddy's parcel. Leave store trying really hard to avoid the baby bits....
Just as I am approaching the escalator, I realise. I only put enough on my oyster card to get to Bond Street and back, not Canary Wharf too. Wouldn't be a problem, but I have no money to top up as I used it buying the scooter. Paying for Oyster by card means you need to top up a minimum of £5 and I'm pretty darn certain I don't have that.
And this is where the panic set in. I'm sweating by now, with the running around, the dodgy hot-cold-humid weather and carrying all this stuff. I am now practically spinning in circles, looking from queue to queue to top up machine, trying to lift my sleeve to check my watch as my phone battery keeps bleeping it's deadness at me, and I might need to tell Liam to go to the school (late, but there at least). Queue to queue to machine, queue to queue to machine. Look over at guards at the gates, no way.
In the end I risked topping up with my bank card, I knew it wouldn't work, but it did!
Dash dash dash all the way to school now. As I can't drop off the parcel anywhere I am actually early, so check my bank balance. I've gone over by 92p.
Damn - this is not good. My money goes in tomorrow, but what if they charge me? I just keep consoling myself that 20-30 quid is worth it not to be leaving my children alone at school, but ouch that will hurt if they do charge me. I was going to phone Barclays and explain why, but Liam said to leave it and see what they do/say first. I was too tired to argue at that point.
I made the most of having money on my oyster card and we got a bus home from school. No one offered a seat to any of us, but Rowan grabbed one when we got on and I was past caring about me.
More happened today, but I am so past tired now I'm not going to share it. More has happened in the past week or so since I posted, but again, you'll be lucky!
G'night all. A day in the life of this Lainey is almost over, thank goodness. xx
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Missing Liam
All this week he has been off, and I miss him more than ever today - a Saturday. A day we should Love as a family fun day, but it never happens.
This week he's either been working, at his interview, the allotment, kung fu or half asleep. I've been doing my usual to-ing and fro-ing from the school. He's behind on his work, so I'm trying to be supportive, in fact I've probably taken up far too much of his time as it is anyway.
Today is Carnival Day. Frazer and Scarlett have been lucky enough to have been invited to take part. They made these huge lanterns at school recently and are getting to parade them about today. I need to go to look after them, so Rowan will be with me, as Liam is at a tutorial. He wants to go to every Saturday tutorial now, to help him catch up. He wants to go to more in the week too, evening ones. I've said I don't mind, so long as he still does dinner, as I don't like the junk our children are made to eat when I cook.
I do miss him though. I'm trying to tell myself that this is just temporary; when he finishes his degree, things will get better, we will see more of each other and spend more time together. I don't want years of strain and missing out on each other, but then again, I know this is not the case. It's just that recently we've not done much together and I'm feeling it. I'm sure he will catch up with work soon and things will get better, and if not this then we'll get the chance to do stuff when this year finishes (October) and then the beginning of next year wont be so bad. I remember myself that with OU things summer tends to be a strain, as this is when you're likely to begin trailing behind, and the work all steps up a gear.
Hhmmm, maybe I shouldn't try for a summer baby after all...
Yesterday Martin found out what sex he and his Fiance Billie, are expecting. They are having a girl, and to celebrate I instantly went and bought a pink baby clothes and blanket set. It's very sweet, and I now have a whole basket full of bits that I'm planning to get.
I wish I could get the chance to gauge from them what kind of parenting they're going to be doing. Liam would describe Martin as 'chavtastic' (in the nicest of ways - it is his brother!) but neither of us has met his girlfriend. Well, I have, sort of. She stayed on her mobile phone the whole walk home from school when we bumped in to her and Martin and didn't say a word to me. I'm trying to blot this from my memory as I hope she's a nice person really and not the rude thing I thought she was at the time!
Well anyway, being a mum of 3, I think if they were to be using slings, cloth nappies or breastfeeding, I would be able to help them out with presents (I know what cloth to avoid, what slings are good for beginners and I can find some lovely nursing tops for a new mum), but chavtastic parents probably wouldn't do any of the three. I wont let myself judge though, so as unlikely as Liam or anyone else might think, I hope that they will give at least one of these things a try (preferably breastfeeding!).
But of course, not knowing means not knowing what to buy! They'll probably have loads of babygrows bought for them, tiny booties and vests. Family are even wiser now and buying larger sized clothes so that you don't end up with a million new born suits that fit for all of 5 minutes. Especially a baby of Martin's -hehehe!- I feel sorry for Billie if baby takes after dad; he was a HUGE newborn!
So baby shopping yesterday helped to get that out of my system. I took surprisingly great pleasure in buying clothes for someone who is expecting, it was like a baby fix without the guilt I usually lay on myself, as I'm not even pregnant!
Having said that though, we did go condomless today. I think it was because I spent hours this morning not being able to sleep as I felt so sick. I finally got up and pee'd on a stick (got loads of cheap ones) to see a neg - maybe this made me want sex all the more... I dunno, I was due last Sunday or this Thursday anyway, so probably not all that fertile.
Yesterday I took the plunge. I spoke to the head teacher about Scarlett's class arrangements. When the reception children go up to year one the two classes get mixed and split in to two year one groups. There's a boy in Scarlett's class who has a brother that I was so glad was NOT put in Frazer's class, as their mother is the one that spread rumours about me and tried to stop us getting in to the school as her boy didn't get a place. We of course did anyway, but just knowing what she did made me scared to go to the school for ages and to this day I avoid her.
I didn't want to make a fuss at the school - I couldn't stand being that kind of parent, but I wanted to tell them anyway. The big big panic I had afterwards, was what if they do change Scarlett to the other class? What if that is a big mistake and messes her up as much as year one did for poor Frazer? He had such a rotten time there, but then he had a miserable teacher, and his friends were in the other class. At least Scarlett has friends in either class, and if they did change her she would have Frazer's teacher from this year, who is a lovely woman. I have no idea about the teacher she has been originally put with, as it's a new one - I'll admit this is a little of my worry, as at least I know Frazer's teacher this year is great.
*sigh*
I'm so glad I have here to vent. I keep feeling as though I have no one to to talk to recently. Yesterday when I tried to tell Liam about my school worries it seemed more as though he was telling me off than trying to comfort me! But that's men for you, especially super logical ones like Liam. He was acting in a similar way when I was having a panic about my biological family the other day.
Come to think of it, I've been having a few down days and panics recently. I wonder why, I'll have to keep an eye on it.
I'm having to type this in Liam's room as my laptop broke again today. Guess what? This time it wont be within warranty. I guess they fixed to last just long enough, the bastards.
DAMN DAMN DAMN!
Scarlett was sitting in here with me, and what did I forget was right behind me!?!?! Her garish pink but oh so girly and Scarletty pram! It's supposed to be her end of term present that I'm giving to her next Friday.
Oh I'm gutted that she's seen it now - it would have been a great surprise. I'm so stupid. How much else will go wrong today I wonder? I've already realised that I didn't text Liam early enough to see if I should/could take his camera to the carnival.
Damn, I feel crap now.
Why am I shaking?
This week he's either been working, at his interview, the allotment, kung fu or half asleep. I've been doing my usual to-ing and fro-ing from the school. He's behind on his work, so I'm trying to be supportive, in fact I've probably taken up far too much of his time as it is anyway.
Today is Carnival Day. Frazer and Scarlett have been lucky enough to have been invited to take part. They made these huge lanterns at school recently and are getting to parade them about today. I need to go to look after them, so Rowan will be with me, as Liam is at a tutorial. He wants to go to every Saturday tutorial now, to help him catch up. He wants to go to more in the week too, evening ones. I've said I don't mind, so long as he still does dinner, as I don't like the junk our children are made to eat when I cook.
I do miss him though. I'm trying to tell myself that this is just temporary; when he finishes his degree, things will get better, we will see more of each other and spend more time together. I don't want years of strain and missing out on each other, but then again, I know this is not the case. It's just that recently we've not done much together and I'm feeling it. I'm sure he will catch up with work soon and things will get better, and if not this then we'll get the chance to do stuff when this year finishes (October) and then the beginning of next year wont be so bad. I remember myself that with OU things summer tends to be a strain, as this is when you're likely to begin trailing behind, and the work all steps up a gear.
Hhmmm, maybe I shouldn't try for a summer baby after all...
Yesterday Martin found out what sex he and his Fiance Billie, are expecting. They are having a girl, and to celebrate I instantly went and bought a pink baby clothes and blanket set. It's very sweet, and I now have a whole basket full of bits that I'm planning to get.
I wish I could get the chance to gauge from them what kind of parenting they're going to be doing. Liam would describe Martin as 'chavtastic' (in the nicest of ways - it is his brother!) but neither of us has met his girlfriend. Well, I have, sort of. She stayed on her mobile phone the whole walk home from school when we bumped in to her and Martin and didn't say a word to me. I'm trying to blot this from my memory as I hope she's a nice person really and not the rude thing I thought she was at the time!
Well anyway, being a mum of 3, I think if they were to be using slings, cloth nappies or breastfeeding, I would be able to help them out with presents (I know what cloth to avoid, what slings are good for beginners and I can find some lovely nursing tops for a new mum), but chavtastic parents probably wouldn't do any of the three. I wont let myself judge though, so as unlikely as Liam or anyone else might think, I hope that they will give at least one of these things a try (preferably breastfeeding!).
But of course, not knowing means not knowing what to buy! They'll probably have loads of babygrows bought for them, tiny booties and vests. Family are even wiser now and buying larger sized clothes so that you don't end up with a million new born suits that fit for all of 5 minutes. Especially a baby of Martin's -hehehe!- I feel sorry for Billie if baby takes after dad; he was a HUGE newborn!
So baby shopping yesterday helped to get that out of my system. I took surprisingly great pleasure in buying clothes for someone who is expecting, it was like a baby fix without the guilt I usually lay on myself, as I'm not even pregnant!
Having said that though, we did go condomless today. I think it was because I spent hours this morning not being able to sleep as I felt so sick. I finally got up and pee'd on a stick (got loads of cheap ones) to see a neg - maybe this made me want sex all the more... I dunno, I was due last Sunday or this Thursday anyway, so probably not all that fertile.
Yesterday I took the plunge. I spoke to the head teacher about Scarlett's class arrangements. When the reception children go up to year one the two classes get mixed and split in to two year one groups. There's a boy in Scarlett's class who has a brother that I was so glad was NOT put in Frazer's class, as their mother is the one that spread rumours about me and tried to stop us getting in to the school as her boy didn't get a place. We of course did anyway, but just knowing what she did made me scared to go to the school for ages and to this day I avoid her.
I didn't want to make a fuss at the school - I couldn't stand being that kind of parent, but I wanted to tell them anyway. The big big panic I had afterwards, was what if they do change Scarlett to the other class? What if that is a big mistake and messes her up as much as year one did for poor Frazer? He had such a rotten time there, but then he had a miserable teacher, and his friends were in the other class. At least Scarlett has friends in either class, and if they did change her she would have Frazer's teacher from this year, who is a lovely woman. I have no idea about the teacher she has been originally put with, as it's a new one - I'll admit this is a little of my worry, as at least I know Frazer's teacher this year is great.
*sigh*
I'm so glad I have here to vent. I keep feeling as though I have no one to to talk to recently. Yesterday when I tried to tell Liam about my school worries it seemed more as though he was telling me off than trying to comfort me! But that's men for you, especially super logical ones like Liam. He was acting in a similar way when I was having a panic about my biological family the other day.
Come to think of it, I've been having a few down days and panics recently. I wonder why, I'll have to keep an eye on it.
I'm having to type this in Liam's room as my laptop broke again today. Guess what? This time it wont be within warranty. I guess they fixed to last just long enough, the bastards.
DAMN DAMN DAMN!
Scarlett was sitting in here with me, and what did I forget was right behind me!?!?! Her garish pink but oh so girly and Scarletty pram! It's supposed to be her end of term present that I'm giving to her next Friday.
Oh I'm gutted that she's seen it now - it would have been a great surprise. I'm so stupid. How much else will go wrong today I wonder? I've already realised that I didn't text Liam early enough to see if I should/could take his camera to the carnival.
Damn, I feel crap now.
Why am I shaking?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
What. A. Day.
My goodness, I know Wednesdays take it out of me normally, but this one was something else!
Off to walk the dog, no issues there really. Avoided the glass very carefully after Tonks' paw bleeding yesterday.
Off to school, major rush as we seem to be later than usual without Liam doing his work thing. It's funny, because it also seems as though I'm seeing less of him this week. In the mornings he tends to hang around in the quiet of the front room now, where normally he's in the kitchen with us. He doesn't phone me in the day times so much as he does when at work, and of course he's not walking that little way of the way to school with us now.
Anyway, it's raining. It's been raining all day without stopping. It's got lighter and then heavier again, then lighter, but not stopped.
We get to school late (rain makes us late anyway!) and Frazer informs me that one of his feet is wet. Great. One of his wellies is knackered.
Off to Surrey Quays and Breastfeeding cafe. We end up late for the cafe, but only one mum shows anyway because of the rain I suppose. We have yummy biscuits, chocolate (bang goes the diet, forget about the fruit!) and tea.
Time for school again. Before it's time to go in I get a call from Clarissa, the HV in charge of my BFPC training. I need 5 documents proving my ID, none of which older than 3 months! Bloody hell that's gonna be tough - I oughta just cave and get a bloody passport.
Rowan goes in happily, although he seems really tired on the way there.
I decided to go home as I usually do on a Wednesday, even though Liam is there to keep an eye on Tonks. I get a lift part of the way, but still end up very wet and worn out by the time I'm home.
I needed to re-write my letter for the housing association meeting tonight. I printed it all off before I proof-read (duh!) and found 24 changes I wanted to make! Re-printed, leaving very little time to get back to school.
Another rush, a much wetter one this time. Bundle Frazer off to percussion (they did lots of free music today, end of term stuff I guess) and left poor Liam sitting in his own rain puddle (he didn't have a coat) while I chatted with mums and a TA.
Frazer out of percussion and now it's time for Parents Evening time to begin. We have no babysitter so I left the children in a little room to wait and play while we talk to their teachers...
Scarlett - Fine, no problems at all. A genuine pleasure to work with, doing great at reading, writing and numeracy. Has grown in confidence, speaks up, makes friends, creative, hard working and has fantastic general knowledge.
Frazer - Doing OK. He's not behind in anything, but I get the impression he's not excelling at all either. He's managing to make a few friends now and seems happy at school. His teacher is pleased that his confidence is growing and is going to have a meeting with his next year teacher about how he doesn't respond well to pressure etc. He really needs to work on his writing though - he just doesn't like it! She suggested keeping it fun - asking him to write lists about things important to him, factual stuff, things he's done or would like to do - there was more, wish I could remember! Will have to ask again.
Rowan - Obviously not a meeting about his educational level, but he's happy at school and has recently became even more happy in appearance. He chats with teachers, plays alongside other children and is able to vocalise very well when he doesn't want to play with someone.
The problem came about when another parent made us very late by taking up our appointment time! We left the school stressed and late, it was pouring with rain and so we decided to get a bus home. Why do I do it?
The station was packed and Liam panicked, needing to be back for Kung Fu, so he jogged home. we waited about 20 minutes and the bus was packed when we got on. I had some weird arse of a woman moaning about 'THAT BOY IN THE WELLIES IS REALLY ANNOYING ME' in not-undertones to the bloke she was with, even though Rowan wasn't doing anything. Maybe she was jealous because she was stupidly in flip-flops (snigger).
After aaaaages there were a few seats spread over the back end of the bus so we all sat. The bus took about 40 minutes to get from the station to what should be a 5 minute walk down the road. I was desperate to get off, but it was still pouring down and I felt sorry for the children. Eventually Scarlett and Rowan fell asleep and Frazer started feeling sick, then the bus turned a corner in to a *really* clear road..... and stopped. 'Last stop!' the driver shouted, much to my dismay! I admit I began to argue - how could this be the last stop!? It's supposed to go to the garage! My children are asleep on here! I paid for this bloody journey and it's pouring down outside!
He was offering tickets for the bus behind but not refunds and insisted he had been told not to carry on with passengers. Fecking git.
So I woke my sleeping babies up and coaxed them off the bus, in to the pouring rain. As it had taken us so long to get nowhere at all, no way was I going to make us wait while it's pissing down, for another bus to make it through that traffic. So we walked home, as fast as we could, as I suspected the housing association meeting began at 6!
I dashed the children in, told them to get pyjamas on, made them jam sandwiches and grabbed some bananas and books to keep them quiet. Bless my little angels, they were so good at this meeting.
I was an hour late but no one minded, in fact they were all pleased that I had come at all. Rowan fell asleep and I had to carry him home. I think I managed to cover most of my points while at the meeting and handed over my letter to the appropriate person (might try to C&P the letter here tomorrow). We got home and ate a late dinner then read a story with a hot chocolate before scooting off to bed.
My poor babies must be so tired, I know I am!
I was so furious at that bus driver - I was swearing away like a good'un. Gah! you would not believe! And then when we were a little way down the path, the bus we were on shot past, on the now perfectly clear road!
Oh well, now I need to go. I need to sort out 3 extra special packed lunches, as Frazer and Scarlett are on school trips tomorrow (Scarlett at the transport museum and Frazer at Leysdown, hope the weather improves!), plus my 5 impossible proofs of ID, plus all teh usual stuff - and i need to be extra organised with Liam leaving the house super early for this job interview that he's really anxious about.
He's doing really great though. Normally he's super stress-head and upsets everyone, but this time he has been quietly nervous, bringing it up in conversation with me from time to time. I hope I'm being supportive enough, I don't feel it.
Wish him luck for tomorrow, please.
ElaineXX
Off to walk the dog, no issues there really. Avoided the glass very carefully after Tonks' paw bleeding yesterday.
Off to school, major rush as we seem to be later than usual without Liam doing his work thing. It's funny, because it also seems as though I'm seeing less of him this week. In the mornings he tends to hang around in the quiet of the front room now, where normally he's in the kitchen with us. He doesn't phone me in the day times so much as he does when at work, and of course he's not walking that little way of the way to school with us now.
Anyway, it's raining. It's been raining all day without stopping. It's got lighter and then heavier again, then lighter, but not stopped.
We get to school late (rain makes us late anyway!) and Frazer informs me that one of his feet is wet. Great. One of his wellies is knackered.
Off to Surrey Quays and Breastfeeding cafe. We end up late for the cafe, but only one mum shows anyway because of the rain I suppose. We have yummy biscuits, chocolate (bang goes the diet, forget about the fruit!) and tea.
Time for school again. Before it's time to go in I get a call from Clarissa, the HV in charge of my BFPC training. I need 5 documents proving my ID, none of which older than 3 months! Bloody hell that's gonna be tough - I oughta just cave and get a bloody passport.
Rowan goes in happily, although he seems really tired on the way there.
I decided to go home as I usually do on a Wednesday, even though Liam is there to keep an eye on Tonks. I get a lift part of the way, but still end up very wet and worn out by the time I'm home.
I needed to re-write my letter for the housing association meeting tonight. I printed it all off before I proof-read (duh!) and found 24 changes I wanted to make! Re-printed, leaving very little time to get back to school.
Another rush, a much wetter one this time. Bundle Frazer off to percussion (they did lots of free music today, end of term stuff I guess) and left poor Liam sitting in his own rain puddle (he didn't have a coat) while I chatted with mums and a TA.
Frazer out of percussion and now it's time for Parents Evening time to begin. We have no babysitter so I left the children in a little room to wait and play while we talk to their teachers...
Scarlett - Fine, no problems at all. A genuine pleasure to work with, doing great at reading, writing and numeracy. Has grown in confidence, speaks up, makes friends, creative, hard working and has fantastic general knowledge.
Frazer - Doing OK. He's not behind in anything, but I get the impression he's not excelling at all either. He's managing to make a few friends now and seems happy at school. His teacher is pleased that his confidence is growing and is going to have a meeting with his next year teacher about how he doesn't respond well to pressure etc. He really needs to work on his writing though - he just doesn't like it! She suggested keeping it fun - asking him to write lists about things important to him, factual stuff, things he's done or would like to do - there was more, wish I could remember! Will have to ask again.
Rowan - Obviously not a meeting about his educational level, but he's happy at school and has recently became even more happy in appearance. He chats with teachers, plays alongside other children and is able to vocalise very well when he doesn't want to play with someone.
The problem came about when another parent made us very late by taking up our appointment time! We left the school stressed and late, it was pouring with rain and so we decided to get a bus home. Why do I do it?
The station was packed and Liam panicked, needing to be back for Kung Fu, so he jogged home. we waited about 20 minutes and the bus was packed when we got on. I had some weird arse of a woman moaning about 'THAT BOY IN THE WELLIES IS REALLY ANNOYING ME' in not-undertones to the bloke she was with, even though Rowan wasn't doing anything. Maybe she was jealous because she was stupidly in flip-flops (snigger).
After aaaaages there were a few seats spread over the back end of the bus so we all sat. The bus took about 40 minutes to get from the station to what should be a 5 minute walk down the road. I was desperate to get off, but it was still pouring down and I felt sorry for the children. Eventually Scarlett and Rowan fell asleep and Frazer started feeling sick, then the bus turned a corner in to a *really* clear road..... and stopped. 'Last stop!' the driver shouted, much to my dismay! I admit I began to argue - how could this be the last stop!? It's supposed to go to the garage! My children are asleep on here! I paid for this bloody journey and it's pouring down outside!
He was offering tickets for the bus behind but not refunds and insisted he had been told not to carry on with passengers. Fecking git.
So I woke my sleeping babies up and coaxed them off the bus, in to the pouring rain. As it had taken us so long to get nowhere at all, no way was I going to make us wait while it's pissing down, for another bus to make it through that traffic. So we walked home, as fast as we could, as I suspected the housing association meeting began at 6!
I dashed the children in, told them to get pyjamas on, made them jam sandwiches and grabbed some bananas and books to keep them quiet. Bless my little angels, they were so good at this meeting.
I was an hour late but no one minded, in fact they were all pleased that I had come at all. Rowan fell asleep and I had to carry him home. I think I managed to cover most of my points while at the meeting and handed over my letter to the appropriate person (might try to C&P the letter here tomorrow). We got home and ate a late dinner then read a story with a hot chocolate before scooting off to bed.
My poor babies must be so tired, I know I am!
I was so furious at that bus driver - I was swearing away like a good'un. Gah! you would not believe! And then when we were a little way down the path, the bus we were on shot past, on the now perfectly clear road!
Oh well, now I need to go. I need to sort out 3 extra special packed lunches, as Frazer and Scarlett are on school trips tomorrow (Scarlett at the transport museum and Frazer at Leysdown, hope the weather improves!), plus my 5 impossible proofs of ID, plus all teh usual stuff - and i need to be extra organised with Liam leaving the house super early for this job interview that he's really anxious about.
He's doing really great though. Normally he's super stress-head and upsets everyone, but this time he has been quietly nervous, bringing it up in conversation with me from time to time. I hope I'm being supportive enough, I don't feel it.
Wish him luck for tomorrow, please.
ElaineXX
Monday, July 7, 2008
Prince Caspian - great. Weight gain - not.
OK I'm updating you with some Stuff. Yes, that's Stuff with a capital S. So there.
I took us all to see Prince Caspian the other weekend - it was really good, but not quite so good as The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. But then TLTW&TW is really the only one of the Narnia series to be properly film-worthy by today's standards IMO. They changed so little from the book with that film, but Prince Caspian had a few chunks missing and a couple of new ideas thrown in too. But it worked! It was good to watch, good battle scenes and lots of mysterious creatures, etc. I wont give too much away, but I will be buying it when it's out!
Liam bought the whole series of Narnia on paperback book form and I'm going to read it to the children over the holidays! I'm really looking forward to it, they are at an age now whee they don't need picture books - Frazer and Scarlett anyway, Frazer especially gets good enjoyment from it, but even Rowan sits quietly and I can almost see him imagining the story in his mind, it's so sweet.
I've also promised 'Matilda' though, I'll have to see which they want first!
What else has been happening...?
Well, tattoo plans are still going ahead. Sarah Street http://www.mantratattoo.com/res_artists/sarah/image_viewer3/index.php has drawn up beautiful plans and sent them to me. Tonks dutifully ate them, and my wonderful children spilled water on them. How I managed to salvage anything I do not know, but it still looks great! I have been told that in total it could take about 10 hours, but advised that I might only be able to take 3 hours at first, since I've not been inked before. Sarah has been on maternity leave until last week, but is already booked up until August 31st!
Do you know what that means? No baby trying until then! Damn! I was gutted, really gutted, but I am coming to terms with it now. I think I've waited so long that a bit longer wont hurt. The pained part of me wonders if it will ever happen, but I think a lot of this worry stems from the fact that I feel so secure as a family unit with 3 children.
The breastfeeding peer counsellor training is going so well - better than I had thought it would be before I started the course. Not just going over things I already know, as there is so much more! Plus so many other things to take in to consideration; cultural awareness, child abuse, diseases, etc. It's been loads of fun, and now we only have two sessions left. Next week there is nothing, then two weeks more and then in September we have our graduation ceremony. I'm pleasantly surprised that they go to such fuss for us!
Tonks is doing good. She's getting to be a big girl now and chilling out a lot. I am looking forward to spending more time with her in the holidays, and worrying about her less. Having said that, I will be getting her neutered soon, and so will have that to worry about!
Liam is sill insistent that if I *ever* get another dog he will instantly move out. It's such a shame as I would save incessantly (for a long time, they're so expensive) to buy an Alaskan Klee Kai http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4HPNN_en___GB278&q=alaskan+Klee+Kai&um=1&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title
Wow I would really Love one! I have always wanted a Husky dog, they are sch beautiful creatures. But I know, I am sure that I just wouldn't have the time and dedication to spare for such a demanding breed. A teeny tiny version though, is a different matter! I could do that, and Love every minute. Never mind. *sob* *sniff*
the children had their school carnival on Friday - it was lovely! Frazer was a rainbow, Scarlett was a volcano and Rowan was a flower. They paraded around the edge of the school and loads of parents and family were there to cheer them on, plus what looked like the whole of the (small) neighbouring school. Then they went to their AstroTurf bit and sung songs, and Frazer did a percussion performance - he really likes this! He was great, he told me that he was nervous when he got on to the stage with his friends, but he soon got in to it and enjoyed himself. I think the drums are a great start to this kind of thing, a steady beat led by their teacher with other children going along too.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=43516&id=663263985
I went back to Fatty Club recently (Slimming World) as the half stone over target that I had been hovering at for so long finally took me over 'the next stone zone' and I was over 10st. When I finally got to the class to weigh, I was 1lb short of being a whole stone over weight! I lost 6lbs relatively quickly, but this week (my third week I think) I gained 2lbs. I'm quite pee'd off with this - that last half stone is such a bugger to shift. It's even more of a pain because I need to be healthy about it. I know that if I slip in to eating disorder mode I could shift it in a week easily. I had a fantastic weight loss a few months back - but I didn't eat more than a minute amount of calories for a whole week. It's weird that someone like me, who never stops eating, could do that, but I can. I think EDs are something you can't ever get rid of though. Once they are there they don't leave. You can spend the rest of your days eating normally, but it's always there underneath, and most of the time it's a battle to ignore it.
I took us all to see Prince Caspian the other weekend - it was really good, but not quite so good as The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. But then TLTW&TW is really the only one of the Narnia series to be properly film-worthy by today's standards IMO. They changed so little from the book with that film, but Prince Caspian had a few chunks missing and a couple of new ideas thrown in too. But it worked! It was good to watch, good battle scenes and lots of mysterious creatures, etc. I wont give too much away, but I will be buying it when it's out!
Liam bought the whole series of Narnia on paperback book form and I'm going to read it to the children over the holidays! I'm really looking forward to it, they are at an age now whee they don't need picture books - Frazer and Scarlett anyway, Frazer especially gets good enjoyment from it, but even Rowan sits quietly and I can almost see him imagining the story in his mind, it's so sweet.
I've also promised 'Matilda' though, I'll have to see which they want first!
What else has been happening...?
Well, tattoo plans are still going ahead. Sarah Street http://www.mantratattoo.com/res_artists/sarah/image_viewer3/index.php has drawn up beautiful plans and sent them to me. Tonks dutifully ate them, and my wonderful children spilled water on them. How I managed to salvage anything I do not know, but it still looks great! I have been told that in total it could take about 10 hours, but advised that I might only be able to take 3 hours at first, since I've not been inked before. Sarah has been on maternity leave until last week, but is already booked up until August 31st!
Do you know what that means? No baby trying until then! Damn! I was gutted, really gutted, but I am coming to terms with it now. I think I've waited so long that a bit longer wont hurt. The pained part of me wonders if it will ever happen, but I think a lot of this worry stems from the fact that I feel so secure as a family unit with 3 children.
The breastfeeding peer counsellor training is going so well - better than I had thought it would be before I started the course. Not just going over things I already know, as there is so much more! Plus so many other things to take in to consideration; cultural awareness, child abuse, diseases, etc. It's been loads of fun, and now we only have two sessions left. Next week there is nothing, then two weeks more and then in September we have our graduation ceremony. I'm pleasantly surprised that they go to such fuss for us!
Tonks is doing good. She's getting to be a big girl now and chilling out a lot. I am looking forward to spending more time with her in the holidays, and worrying about her less. Having said that, I will be getting her neutered soon, and so will have that to worry about!
Liam is sill insistent that if I *ever* get another dog he will instantly move out. It's such a shame as I would save incessantly (for a long time, they're so expensive) to buy an Alaskan Klee Kai http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4HPNN_en___GB278&q=alaskan+Klee+Kai&um=1&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title
Wow I would really Love one! I have always wanted a Husky dog, they are sch beautiful creatures. But I know, I am sure that I just wouldn't have the time and dedication to spare for such a demanding breed. A teeny tiny version though, is a different matter! I could do that, and Love every minute. Never mind. *sob* *sniff*
the children had their school carnival on Friday - it was lovely! Frazer was a rainbow, Scarlett was a volcano and Rowan was a flower. They paraded around the edge of the school and loads of parents and family were there to cheer them on, plus what looked like the whole of the (small) neighbouring school. Then they went to their AstroTurf bit and sung songs, and Frazer did a percussion performance - he really likes this! He was great, he told me that he was nervous when he got on to the stage with his friends, but he soon got in to it and enjoyed himself. I think the drums are a great start to this kind of thing, a steady beat led by their teacher with other children going along too.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=43516&id=663263985
I went back to Fatty Club recently (Slimming World) as the half stone over target that I had been hovering at for so long finally took me over 'the next stone zone' and I was over 10st. When I finally got to the class to weigh, I was 1lb short of being a whole stone over weight! I lost 6lbs relatively quickly, but this week (my third week I think) I gained 2lbs. I'm quite pee'd off with this - that last half stone is such a bugger to shift. It's even more of a pain because I need to be healthy about it. I know that if I slip in to eating disorder mode I could shift it in a week easily. I had a fantastic weight loss a few months back - but I didn't eat more than a minute amount of calories for a whole week. It's weird that someone like me, who never stops eating, could do that, but I can. I think EDs are something you can't ever get rid of though. Once they are there they don't leave. You can spend the rest of your days eating normally, but it's always there underneath, and most of the time it's a battle to ignore it.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
"Computer addiction is not a nice quality in a person"
In case you haven't guessed, my title is a quote from Liam.
My reply? "Neither is grumpy arse-face-ness". Not exactly mature but bloody hell, has that man been in a mood all day or what?!
He was out early; he had Law training today lasting until 4pm. Learning how to reference things online and in a huge law library.
I was determined to get the children and Tonks to the woodlands, we wanted to see the Cuban carnival at the park too. Unfortunately we had to get our shopping done, and without Liam it meant we were late and it meant it was twice as stressful.
We got it done though, made lunch and took off to the woodlands. Passed by the carnival on the way and wow was it LOUD! As we had Tonks I said we'd look at the carnival on the way home, in the hope that she would be worn out and less likely to be naughty then.
We had a picnic and the children got a chance to try tree climbing (something we never seem to have the opportunity for) and then Tonks got a chance to try out water - she loved it! In and out, starting with a little dip to test and ending up swimming out to retrieve her dummy and chase after an angry mama duck. We went exploring in the woody areas and on the whole got completely worn out, scratched up and muddy. It was great!
Liam met us at the big hill, and we walked home together. He seemed to be instantly in a bad mood, which at the time I put down to my wearing a push up bra with a low cut dress. I was all held in, no bra on show, I tied the wrap dress super tight! But there you go, Liam for you. Hey, it's only him out all day again and do I know where he's gone for sure? just as well that I trust him not to be going off seeing someone else, because I tell you what? He is out an awful bloody lot, and his anger, annoyance and general discomfort would be seen as a guilty conscience by a LOT of people if they knew about it.
I bought takeaway for the children and Liam on the way home, so that we didn't miss Doctor Who - we are getting some seriously good finale stuff at the moment! I'm so worried that David Tennant is leaving - he is so great I can't imagine the show without him! mind you, I'm very attached to Donna too, and will miss her if/when she goes. There's spoilers around that I've read, but I'm hoping they are all wrong. I have only just recovered from Max's death in Hollyoaks yesterday! That was awful, I cried so much.
So tonight I'm thinking things are ok. We watched some TV together, I went online and then shut the lappy when it got boring. Watched more TV and I fell asleep against him. I woke up and got the washing out of the machine and spoke to my mum on the phone. Then I went back online and he goes to bed in a complete grump about my 'computer addiction'. FFS, I just don't get it - I am on the computer sure! But it's my only means of talking to friends really; he's the one able to talk to people at work, kung fu, his uni course, down at the allotment (occasionally) and here I am, not even been able to meet up with Maria this week! And when I met up with her usually it was only for an hour at the most. I'm fucking lonely you know. I don't think I want to be online so much, but what else is there for me? God that's sad. But seriously, if the people I talk to online were living next door then I'd be hanging over the garden fence for chats, and would Liam be any happier? I doubt it.
Ah well, I suppose I had better break my 'addiction' and go hang the washing up. No wait - if it really is an addiction that would mean I have to stay online all night, right? Oh dear, I'd better stay sat here but I must be breaking the mould, because I really do want to hang that washing up! So addiction or not, goodbye!
My reply? "Neither is grumpy arse-face-ness". Not exactly mature but bloody hell, has that man been in a mood all day or what?!
He was out early; he had Law training today lasting until 4pm. Learning how to reference things online and in a huge law library.
I was determined to get the children and Tonks to the woodlands, we wanted to see the Cuban carnival at the park too. Unfortunately we had to get our shopping done, and without Liam it meant we were late and it meant it was twice as stressful.
We got it done though, made lunch and took off to the woodlands. Passed by the carnival on the way and wow was it LOUD! As we had Tonks I said we'd look at the carnival on the way home, in the hope that she would be worn out and less likely to be naughty then.
We had a picnic and the children got a chance to try tree climbing (something we never seem to have the opportunity for) and then Tonks got a chance to try out water - she loved it! In and out, starting with a little dip to test and ending up swimming out to retrieve her dummy and chase after an angry mama duck. We went exploring in the woody areas and on the whole got completely worn out, scratched up and muddy. It was great!
Liam met us at the big hill, and we walked home together. He seemed to be instantly in a bad mood, which at the time I put down to my wearing a push up bra with a low cut dress. I was all held in, no bra on show, I tied the wrap dress super tight! But there you go, Liam for you. Hey, it's only him out all day again and do I know where he's gone for sure? just as well that I trust him not to be going off seeing someone else, because I tell you what? He is out an awful bloody lot, and his anger, annoyance and general discomfort would be seen as a guilty conscience by a LOT of people if they knew about it.
I bought takeaway for the children and Liam on the way home, so that we didn't miss Doctor Who - we are getting some seriously good finale stuff at the moment! I'm so worried that David Tennant is leaving - he is so great I can't imagine the show without him! mind you, I'm very attached to Donna too, and will miss her if/when she goes. There's spoilers around that I've read, but I'm hoping they are all wrong. I have only just recovered from Max's death in Hollyoaks yesterday! That was awful, I cried so much.
So tonight I'm thinking things are ok. We watched some TV together, I went online and then shut the lappy when it got boring. Watched more TV and I fell asleep against him. I woke up and got the washing out of the machine and spoke to my mum on the phone. Then I went back online and he goes to bed in a complete grump about my 'computer addiction'. FFS, I just don't get it - I am on the computer sure! But it's my only means of talking to friends really; he's the one able to talk to people at work, kung fu, his uni course, down at the allotment (occasionally) and here I am, not even been able to meet up with Maria this week! And when I met up with her usually it was only for an hour at the most. I'm fucking lonely you know. I don't think I want to be online so much, but what else is there for me? God that's sad. But seriously, if the people I talk to online were living next door then I'd be hanging over the garden fence for chats, and would Liam be any happier? I doubt it.
Ah well, I suppose I had better break my 'addiction' and go hang the washing up. No wait - if it really is an addiction that would mean I have to stay online all night, right? Oh dear, I'd better stay sat here but I must be breaking the mould, because I really do want to hang that washing up! So addiction or not, goodbye!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Crying - almost
I don't know what's up with me. I'm putting it down to hormones.
This morning I was so frustrated with being late and having so much to do. But I was grumpy! boy how grumpy! I was really moody and horrible to be around - I wanted to fling things and people all over the place I was so angry with the world.
Fast forward a couple of hours and I'm at the Friday toddler group with Rowan. I was sitting with a cuppa tea after the school dash and realised I was feeling sad, really sad. Since then I'm been on the point of tears just about all day - unless I have something that really occupies my attention. I even bought chocolate, something I am not only avoiding to lose weight, but also I've just not wanted it much recently. I bought a Flake to share with Rowan in the hope that the chocolate will perk me up. This means, as Liam said (on the phone) that at least I'm trying to pull myself out of it, which is better than letting it take over.
I've been down ever since though. It's not helping that once again we are not going out. I'm not surprised, because even though I may have wanted to, Liam went out last week with work friends (update: I was supposed to go out with him last week but we had no babysitter so he went out, blew £60 on drinks and was too tired to do anything the next day while I'm hyped up and wanting to move) and so hasn't been feeling that need to go out like I have. What makes it worse still is that the past 2 weeks Liam has said he will take me out on Friday but it's not happened. I just can't stop myself from getting my hopes up!
Actually, I think that might be what this mood is - self defence in a weird way. I think I'm down because I'm not letting myself get hopes up, if you know what I mean?
Damn. We are supposed to be TTC soon, and I wanted to get some adult time together before baby time happens. It's not going to happen, I just know it's not.
Ah well, off to do dinner for now, maybe I will cheer up at some point.
This morning I was so frustrated with being late and having so much to do. But I was grumpy! boy how grumpy! I was really moody and horrible to be around - I wanted to fling things and people all over the place I was so angry with the world.
Fast forward a couple of hours and I'm at the Friday toddler group with Rowan. I was sitting with a cuppa tea after the school dash and realised I was feeling sad, really sad. Since then I'm been on the point of tears just about all day - unless I have something that really occupies my attention. I even bought chocolate, something I am not only avoiding to lose weight, but also I've just not wanted it much recently. I bought a Flake to share with Rowan in the hope that the chocolate will perk me up. This means, as Liam said (on the phone) that at least I'm trying to pull myself out of it, which is better than letting it take over.
I've been down ever since though. It's not helping that once again we are not going out. I'm not surprised, because even though I may have wanted to, Liam went out last week with work friends (update: I was supposed to go out with him last week but we had no babysitter so he went out, blew £60 on drinks and was too tired to do anything the next day while I'm hyped up and wanting to move) and so hasn't been feeling that need to go out like I have. What makes it worse still is that the past 2 weeks Liam has said he will take me out on Friday but it's not happened. I just can't stop myself from getting my hopes up!
Actually, I think that might be what this mood is - self defence in a weird way. I think I'm down because I'm not letting myself get hopes up, if you know what I mean?
Damn. We are supposed to be TTC soon, and I wanted to get some adult time together before baby time happens. It's not going to happen, I just know it's not.
Ah well, off to do dinner for now, maybe I will cheer up at some point.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Breast Feeding Awareness
I'd still been smarting abotu losing my post to be honest, so that explains my quiet. I need somewhere to vent though, so here it comes...
Breast milk is not a *magic potion* - It's not fantastic, the best or special.
Breast milk is the biological norm. Formula - artificial - modified cows milk is simply a substance that falls below the norm.
Breastfed babies are not more intelligent because they were brought up on a magical liquid: they are of *normal* intelect. Formula fed babies are more likely to be of lower intelligence. It makes sense if you think about it - feeding a mammal the food naturally intended for it's growth will provide optimal development as nature intended. Feeding a mammal modified milk created for another species is never going to live up to the real thing.
I just do not understand why people are willing to believe the many, many studies that prove cigarettes to be cancerous, dangerous and often lethal - yet these same people refuse to believe that studies just as valid prove that non-breastfed humans are at higher risk!
We all know people that were artificially fed who are intelligent or allergy free - these people are an exception from the rule, and lucky them! I know of people that smoked 30 a day until they died of a ripe old age at 80, but it's not healthy to smoke is it?
These results are not the findings of silly little studies. They are based on years of research and they have covered people from many backgrounds - wealthy, middle or lower classes.
It is my belief that so many lower class/benefits mums bottle feed because it is handed out to them for free!
Cows milk is not the devil's juice - it has a place. About 1% of mothers can not breastfeed, and without the resources of donor human milk banks, we need an alternative. We should be aware though that the tins on the shelves of our supermarkets are recommended to be a last resort; the least desired alternative.
Mothers that formula feed often get angry. I believe they have every right to be angry! But I also believe the anger is misplaced when it is aimed at pro-breastfeeders.
I believe in choice - but there is no choice when mothers are forced to make an uninformed decision.
Would you make a lifestyle choice simply because of the lovey dovey fluffiness and bond fulfillment? Maybe not, I probably wouldn't. But if you were told that the alternative could increase your child's chance of death so significantly, I believe you might think again.
INFORMED CHOICE FOR WOMEN!
Breast milk is not a *magic potion* - It's not fantastic, the best or special.
Breast milk is the biological norm. Formula - artificial - modified cows milk is simply a substance that falls below the norm.
Breastfed babies are not more intelligent because they were brought up on a magical liquid: they are of *normal* intelect. Formula fed babies are more likely to be of lower intelligence. It makes sense if you think about it - feeding a mammal the food naturally intended for it's growth will provide optimal development as nature intended. Feeding a mammal modified milk created for another species is never going to live up to the real thing.
I just do not understand why people are willing to believe the many, many studies that prove cigarettes to be cancerous, dangerous and often lethal - yet these same people refuse to believe that studies just as valid prove that non-breastfed humans are at higher risk!
We all know people that were artificially fed who are intelligent or allergy free - these people are an exception from the rule, and lucky them! I know of people that smoked 30 a day until they died of a ripe old age at 80, but it's not healthy to smoke is it?
These results are not the findings of silly little studies. They are based on years of research and they have covered people from many backgrounds - wealthy, middle or lower classes.
It is my belief that so many lower class/benefits mums bottle feed because it is handed out to them for free!
Cows milk is not the devil's juice - it has a place. About 1% of mothers can not breastfeed, and without the resources of donor human milk banks, we need an alternative. We should be aware though that the tins on the shelves of our supermarkets are recommended to be a last resort; the least desired alternative.
Mothers that formula feed often get angry. I believe they have every right to be angry! But I also believe the anger is misplaced when it is aimed at pro-breastfeeders.
I believe in choice - but there is no choice when mothers are forced to make an uninformed decision.
Would you make a lifestyle choice simply because of the lovey dovey fluffiness and bond fulfillment? Maybe not, I probably wouldn't. But if you were told that the alternative could increase your child's chance of death so significantly, I believe you might think again.
INFORMED CHOICE FOR WOMEN!
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