Crying - almost

I don't know what's up with me. I'm putting it down to hormones.
This morning I was so frustrated with being late and having so much to do. But I was grumpy! boy how grumpy! I was really moody and horrible to be around - I wanted to fling things and people all over the place I was so angry with the world.
Fast forward a couple of hours and I'm at the Friday toddler group with Rowan. I was sitting with a cuppa tea after the school dash and realised I was feeling sad, really sad. Since then I'm been on the point of tears just about all day - unless I have something that really occupies my attention. I even bought chocolate, something I am not only avoiding to lose weight, but also I've just not wanted it much recently. I bought a Flake to share with Rowan in the hope that the chocolate will perk me up. This means, as Liam said (on the phone) that at least I'm trying to pull myself out of it, which is better than letting it take over.

I've been down ever since though. It's not helping that once again we are not going out. I'm not surprised, because even though I may have wanted to, Liam went out last week with work friends (update: I was supposed to go out with him last week but we had no babysitter so he went out, blew £60 on drinks and was too tired to do anything the next day while I'm hyped up and wanting to move) and so hasn't been feeling that need to go out like I have. What makes it worse still is that the past 2 weeks Liam has said he will take me out on Friday but it's not happened. I just can't stop myself from getting my hopes up!
Actually, I think that might be what this mood is - self defence in a weird way. I think I'm down because I'm not letting myself get hopes up, if you know what I mean?

Damn. We are supposed to be TTC soon, and I wanted to get some adult time together before baby time happens. It's not going to happen, I just know it's not.

Ah well, off to do dinner for now, maybe I will cheer up at some point.